


Ocean of Debris

by Indehed



Series: Chambers of the Human Heart [4]
Category: EastEnders
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-04
Updated: 2011-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 08:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1892682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indehed/pseuds/Indehed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Syed is in trouble when a stranger arrives in Walford with revenge on his mind. Meanwhile, friends and family gather around Christian as he struggles to cope with a growing agoraphobia that leaves him feeling useless in the face of disaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings/Spoilers: continuation from my previous stories 'Burning in the Skies', 'Beating of the Storm' and 'Swimming in the Smoke'. Please assume spoilers apply through current storylines/time. These fics veered off from show canon at the Queen Vic Fire of September 2010. Notably, the baby swap did not happen, nor the AB roof collapse, though many other events have. Hopefully it will be obvious which did and didn't! This story portrays a canon homosexual relationship between two men,
> 
> Notes: Thanks to Madworld_NES for the beta!

"Christian, we're out of milk!" Syed shouted, while staring into the fridge.

Christian came out of the bathroom, wearing a pair of running trousers and towelling his hair dry. "So go get some."

Syed shoved the fridge door closed, leaned against the pillar and stared at Christian. "You go."

"Sy..."

"Christian," Syed moved forward, grabbed the towel from Christian and threw it aside so he could take Christian's hands in his own. "It's been weeks. And I'm not even sure if we should even count your little trip to the Argee Bhajee or not."

"I know, Sy, I know but..."

"You're doing so much better. You're sleeping, the nightmares have stopped since we got into the new routine and maybe soon we can start to ease back on it," Syed noticed Christian's worried face, "I said ease back... but only when you... when we're ready."

Christian dropped Syed's hands, his shoulders slumping as he made his way to the sofa and sat down with a bump. "I'm sorry, I just... I can't."

Syed took a breath before going to sit next to Christian, pulling his hand into his again. "A few years ago, I was able to get you over this; I just want to do that again."

Christian dropped his gaze to their joined hands. His other stroked the back of Syed's hand as he considered his next words. "That time... you remember when you made me go out to the Minute Mart? The bribery?"

"Don't knock it, it worked."

"No... it didn't. Not really." Christian looked up into Syed's confused face. "Well, it did, I mean... I went out and I was able to go out again after, and I got to have you to myself all night but... you have no idea how hard it was."

"I saw you, Christian. I know it was hard..."

"No... it... you saw me when I was out forcing a smile, but when I got home I practically collapsed just inside the door. Not just that first time either, but a couple more times too. My heart was racing, my legs went weak, I just felt so... terrible."

"You never told me."

"I never wanted to worry you. You had problems of your own."

"Christian..." Syed put his hand around the back of Christian's neck.

"I'm scared, Sy. I don't want to go through that again."

Syed couldn't really say anything else, so instead he pulled Christian's head forward and their foreheads collided together, with them both just staying in the moment.

"It's okay. I'll get the shopping." Syed nodded against him and Christian gave him a weak smile. "Maybe you should see Annabel again this week? Although maybe we should consider whether you need any extra help with the anxiety. You know... medication?"

Christian still hadn't told Syed about the sleeping pills he was taking. He'd kept them hidden well so far and he didn't want Syed to worry about him. He was much happier recently. Both of them were smiling more, feeling like they were back on track. It would be like everything was fixed if it wasn't for this, hopefully, last hurdle of Christian's. He didn't want to put anything else on Syed's mind and besides, it wasn't that big a deal anyway.

"I don't know," Christian said, well aware of his current medication, and he was pretty sure that even his limited medical knowledge would say not to mix drugs together.

"We could ask Yusef."

"Yeah, maybe."

Yusef was the only one who knew about them, this could be his way out. Maybe Yusef could give him something that wouldn't react with the sleeping pills.

"It would only be for a short while, just a little help to get you started, and you'd be off them quickly. You really would."

"I know." Christian felt guilty all of a sudden. Right now he'd been popping extra sleeping pills and he'd been doing so for longer than he'd meant to already but they were working, and why stop when it was all working?

"Look, I need to get round to the Estate Agents. They've got someone who wants to see the restaurant, looks like a proper potential buyer so I'll get some shopping on the way back, okay?"

"Sure."

Syed leaned in and gave Christian a peck on the lips before squeezing his hand and rising from the sofa. Christian watched him as he moved about, grabbing what he needed for the day, and felt guilty that he wasn't helping out more. He wanted to get over this; he just had a mental block and was struggling.

*

Syed shook the man's hand. He was the first to break eye contact with him, as the other seemed to be sizing him up, which made him feel a little uncomfortable. It reminded him of his days in property when he was 'one of those' people. When he met people like it he always just felt relieved to not be so fake anymore.

The man stood in a fitted grey suit, with a blue tie and quite long blond hair that touched the nape of his neck. "Kyle Hemersley," he said.

"Syed Masood, pleased to meet you."

The Estate Agents took over for the most part as both sat with them and discussed the property in more detail. Syed talked when he needed to, and did his best to talk up the property despite its current state. Hemersley seemed keen, and after discussions they decided to take a walk to the Argee Bhajee itself and have a look so that he could decide a bit better based after having seen the space.

Syed took a breath before following them through the door. The last time he was in here was to rescue Christian from his panic attack. Before then he'd barely been in since the fire itself. He had told Christian they should sell it so that Christian didn't have to face the place but it was a convenient excuse because he didn't want to face it either. He didn't like it in here, and he doubted he ever would again. Considering how they got the place originally, he would sell it for five pence, happily. Not that he'd let on to potential buyers about that, but he really wasn't worried about making sure they made a lot of money from it. Whatever they did get was a bonus now.

"It's a shame about what happened here."

"Yes," Syed answered.

"I read about it in the papers. To have someone die on the premises of your business can't have been pleasant."

"It really wasn't."

"Of course," Hemersley answered curtly, then carried on. "It's none of my business, but why sell up? You could collect on the insurance and begin again."

"We could. But we have another business to run that we plan on concentrating on."

"We?"

"Yes, my fiancé and myself."

"In business with family," Kyle nodded.

"We make it work," Syed said. "Very well, as a matter of fact."

"Sign of a strong relationship. Risky though, to only have the one business. If it goes under, you both do."

"We still have other interests."

"Good to know. But like I said before, none of my business," Kyle smiled as he held his hands up - not wanting Syed to take anything the wrong way, Syed mused. He most likely wanted to keep on Syed's good side so as to help the sale. What Kyle didn't realise was that Syed would sell to Phil Mitchell right now and not give two hoots.

Syed let the Estate Agents finish up with Kyle, going over the details of square footage and other technicalities that he didn't have the heart in him to bother with for the hard sell. Instead, he took his leave and headed home to check on Christian. He had a visit from the Doctor planned for this afternoon and if he was there too, he might be able to talk to them both about getting Christian to move on from this and get outside again.

He didn't notice that Kyle kept an eye on him until he was completely out of sight.


	2. Chapter 2

Dr Khan was running late. Typical for a Doctor, but what didn't help was that Syed had done his best to be home when Yusef would be with Christian. Christian had hoped that wouldn't happen but because the Doctor was late... Syed was here.

He smiled his way through everything as Yusef arrived, settled and then talked things over with him. He kept everything on the surface and didn't go into any details. On top of that, he was avoiding any mention of pills and medication.

"But the nightmares are under control."

Christian looked over at Syed, who was sitting close beside him. "Yes. It's been hard work, but I've been sleeping much better these days."

"What do you think it was that changed everything?" Yusef smiled with a look of curiosity on his face, but Christian could have cursed him at that moment as Yusef was well aware that Christian was taking sleeping pills.

Instead, Syed piped up, "Christian got some good advice from Annabel about image therapy? Is that what it's called?"

"I have to train my mind to think positive thoughts and images during the day and right before bed and hold them in my mind. It can be difficult to stop my mind wandering but with Syed's encouragement it's been working well."

"I see," Yusef said. "I'm glad to hear it. And the graft is looking a lot healthier. I suspect there may be some permanent scarring but it should be minimal. It's unavoidable for the most part, but at least it won't be quite so visible on an everyday basis. It'll still take some time to get to that level though; I wouldn't expect that for maybe a year or so. Your skin is healthy, you're taking good care of it."

"Thank you. Again, that's all Syed's doing, really." Christian rubbed a hand on Syed's back, then let it rest back in front of himself again.

"Really, there's only one last concern with getting you back fully on the road to recovery. And I believe you know what I'm talking about."

Christian looked down.

"We know," Syed answered for them, his eyes on Christian.

"After what happened last time, it's not a shock but the longer you go without being outside, the worse this may affect you. This phobia can be overcome."

"Is there any help you can give him?" Syed asked. He was hesitant but continued. "Christian and I discussed the possibility that some medication might help. Maybe to relax him enough to go outside... it's the pressure and worry getting to him that makes him stop when he gets to the door."

Yusef looked to Christian, back to Syed and then once more to Christian, clearly weighing up what he could and couldn't say in front of Syed. "We could look into it, certainly. Anti-anxiety medication might help some of the symptoms, though a lot of this will be psychosomatic rather than physical."

Christian turned to Syed, "I just remembered, you rushed home for this... I thought you were going to go to the Minute Mart and get some shopping. We need milk, don't we?"

"I can get it after."

"You could go now. I think I need a cup of tea after this."

"Christian..."

"I'm just finishing up anyway, Christian and I can do the rest on our own."

Syed took a breath. "Fine, I can see where this is going. I've said my piece anyway. I'll be back in ten." He kissed Christian's cheek before standing, grabbing his wallet from the table and heading for the door.

Once Syed was gone, Yusef spoke again. "You haven't told him yet about the sleeping pills?"

"He brought up medication earlier and I didn't know what to say. 'Sorry, Sy, I'm already taking some so I can't take any more?'"

"Well, depending on what I can prescribe, a common side effect of some anti-anxiety drugs is drowsiness, but generally more in the sense of you feeling a bit foggy. You have to understand though that antidepressants and anxiety drugs won't cure you. The anxiety can come back full force when you stop taking them; that's why they are seen as a short term solution while you seek out a better way to control the problem."

"Well, the sleeping pills were short term too. If I can combine the effects of both then that might be the best thing for me. In the short term."

"In the short term." Yusef said. "I'll have a look at some options and sort out a prescription for you tomorrow. Syed knows about this one though so I presume I can give it to him to collect it for you?"

"Yes, certainly, that's fine."

"With him in the know, I'm sure short term really will mean short term."

*

When Yusef left the flat he ran into Syed as he returned, Minute Mart bag in hand.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Everything's fine. I'll pop back with a prescription tomorrow. Christian's only concern was for possible side effects, but I've reassured him about those now."

"I see." Syed looked up to where the window was, concerned as he briefly saw Christian checking the outside world again.

"I do have other concerns. I'm not sure it's really my place to say, though."

"Please do," Syed said. "If I've missed anything, I want to know."

"You spend almost every waking moment with Christian. You're taking care of him as he battles these problems; you are to be commended for it. I'm not sure if you've realised just how much he is depending on you right now."

"Well, he has to..."

"During our conversation in there, he defaulted to you a few times, and twice he corrected me, saying that his health improvements are down to your involvement. He takes every opportunity to include you in decisions like this. I'm worried that part of his problem with not being able to go outside is because he doesn't have to."

"You think because I'm taking care of him he has no need to do anything for himself?" Syed had to admit he'd worried about that at one point, and others had said something slightly similar, but he couldn't bring himself to not be there for Christian as long as he needed him.

"You have a strong relationship, that's wonderful to see. But the dependency, that could be detrimental to his health. Perhaps you need to step back from him, give him more space, refuse certain requests."

"I don't know, surely upsetting him could cause him to take a step back?"

"It's a difficult line to judge and I'm no psychologist. In the meantime I think we can get him outside if he can relax with the anti-anxiety drugs. There will be some side effects, and at first they may appear quite pronounced but as his body begins to get used to the drugs, they should settle down."

"You make it sound like he'll be on them for a while."

"He may need to be. There are people who stay on similar medication for years, but that doesn't mean they don't live healthy, active lives."

"Yes, of course."

"Whatever helps, right?" Yusef patted Syed on the back and smiled, before making his way back into the crowded market.


	3. Chapter 3

Linda held tightly onto Syed's arm as they walked through Albert Square. "Typically enough, he'll listen to you but when I suggest something, he refuses my advice."

"That's not entirely true."

"It's like he's a surly teenager all over again. Maybe because we missed out a bit on having that kind of relationship."

"Maybe you're just as bad as each other."

"Oi, you!" Linda gripped her elbow tighter around Syed's arm, and then sighed. "Maybe we are. Still, he's an adult now. He's actually, finally settled down. It's a good look on him; I just wish none of this business with 'Alec' had ever happened."

"Don't we all," Syed added.

"Of course," Linda smiled. She stopped them in the middle of the gardens and turned to face him properly, letting go of his arm. "It's taken a toll on you as well, I can see that. I just want you to know how grateful I am that you're with him." She put her hands on Syed's cheeks. "He fell in love at just the right time. You believe that, right? That God meant for this to happen as it did."

"I know that Allah created us this way and that he has plans. I know that what adversities Christian and I have faced, we've come through stronger on the other side. He's not punishing us, at most, it's been a test... and I know we'll see it through. Just you wait and see."

"It must be nice to be so sure."

"Now I never said that," Syed smiled. "I just have faith."

It was at that moment that Linda turned to see another woman standing nearby with a young child in her arms. She'd been watching them as she moved through the gardens slowly.

Linda dropped her hands and made sure that what she said could be heard. "Now, why do I get the feeling that that's your mother? Zainab isn't it?"

Syed nodded and then faced his mother. "Mum," he acknowledged.

"Syed." She clutched Kamil closer. "I don't want to interrupt."

"This is Christian's mum. Linda."

Being as sweet as she could manage, Linda grinned, "Gorgeous child, by the way." She motioned to Kamil and Zainab nodded her thanks before Linda added, "This one too! He's such a gem. The perfect son-in-law, I should think." She pinched Syed's cheek, making him redden in embarrassment.

Zainab could only acknowledge Linda's remarks with a small nod. "How... how is Christian?"

"He's getting there. I'm trying to encourage him to get the wedding plans done, to take his mind off things and onto a happier occasion. I do hope you'll get involved."

"I don't think so..." Zainab hedged.

"Come now, it's not often your eldest son gets married..." She took one look at Syed and realised what she'd just said. "Oops. Okay, so it's your second, but you'll enjoy this one properly, since you actually want to do it this time," she said to him, before turning back to Zainab. "And I highly doubt Christian will ever get married more than once so I plan on taking full advantage of it. It's going to be a party to remember!" She said triumphantly before turning and making her way back to the market.

Syed was about to say something to Zainab, but then after Linda's last comment he had no choice but to follow her. "Wait, it's supposed to be a small event!"

Zainab looked after them as Syed chased after Linda and just made a face at Kamil. "I can see where Christian gets it from..."

*

"So these should help me sleep too?" Christian asked, taking the bottle from Yusef.

"I think they might. The more common side effect is that woozy or foggy feeling, but that may still aid you in sleeping. While you get used to how these affect your brain you might feel a bit slow..."

"Slow?"

"Less energy, you won't be able to think quite so fast. It should improve though as it goes along. May I ask what you have done with the sleeping pills from before?"

"Oh, I was just going to leave them in the cupboard. That or throw them out if I preferred being on these."

"I do want you to keep me appraised though. Don't just change your medication on a whim."

"Of course," Christian examined the bottle of pills, hearing the clang of them rattling inside. "The guidelines... I'm to take them regularly?"

"Take two in the morning. If you feel you need you can take one at night to help you sleep, but I'd like you to try coming off that soon enough. Then we can get you off them entirely down the line."

"I can do that."

There was a noise before the door opened and Linda came barging in followed by Syed, whose raised voice sounded like someone at the end of his tether. "We never said anything about party favours because there's not going to be a big party!"

"Oh, shush. Of course there will be. Kat Moon already asked when we want the Vic. What's the point in having a venue but no party?"

"We don't need a DJ, or fancy table cloths or banners... we just thought we'd have a small get-together..."

"There's no such thing as a small get-together... Oh! Doctor, I'm so sorry, we didn't realise you'd be here..." Linda and Syed exchanged glances and Linda put her bag on the table before looking at Christian. "Everything okay?"

Christian held up the bottle of pills and shook them lightly to indicate them. "Yusef was just bringing me these."

"Do you need to go over anything with me?" Syed asked, leaning on the back of the sofa and Yusef shot Christian a glance, reminding Christian of the conversation they'd had about Syed being dependent on taking care of Christian.

"It's okay, just some pills, no need to worry about me," Christian answered him, a tight smile across his face. "Thank you, Doctor Khan," Christian said pointedly, and Yusef knew it was time to take his leave. He did so with polite words to Syed and Linda as he let himself out.

"What are they?" Syed asked, gesturing to the bottle still held in Christian's hand.

"Something unpronounceable," Christian pushed up from the sofa and turned so that he was kneeling on the cushions and able to face Syed better. "According to the Doc, they'll relax me in the ways that you can't." He gave Syed a peck on the lips and a quick wink.

Syed wasn't fooled by the nonchalant act though, "You can talk to me about it all, you know."

"I know," Christian answered. "And I do, you know I do. It's just some pills. I'll take them for a while, and then I'll stop and everything will back to how it once was."

"Are you sure? You might need to be on those for a while."

Christian pulled his head back with a frown. "You think I need to spend my life medicated?"

"No, I didn't mean that, I just..." Syed tilted his head back, "I just don't want you thinking this is an easy road. There's no quick fix."

"What happened to positive thinking?"

"What about being realistic?"

They looked at each other, Linda hanging in the back and feeling like a gooseberry between the two men as the tension in the air rose.

Christian nodded slowly. "How about a little support, eh?" He pushed back from the sofa entirely and walked away into the other room.

"Christian," Syed's voice was tainted with a pleading edge, but Christian didn't turn back, he just shut the bathroom door behind him as he went, leaving Syed with Linda.


	4. Chapter 4

After being testy with each other for the rest of the day, the argument had sent them to bed feeling the same way. It was awkward. For a while now they'd gone through the routine of Syed helping Christian when going to bed in order to stave off the nightmares. But with them still 'off' with each other, neither felt comfortable approaching the subject.

So Christian took it upon himself to prove to Syed that he was getting better and didn't need the constant help anymore, and had curled up on his side of the bed, purposefully positioning himself away from Syed. Maybe Yusef was right, and if Syed was too wrapped up in taking care of him, then Christian had to be the one to man up and fend for himself more. If he stopped to think about it then yes, maybe Syed had been smothering him. What he didn't do was let himself think the next part of that train of thought, which was that he liked being smothered by Syed because there was some part of him that did seem to need it and crave it right now. He ignored that voice, and lay in bed, facing the clock, and watched it tick the seconds by.

Syed was lying behind him; he could sense his presence, and hear him breathing but he had no clue what Syed was actually doing. Was he lying facing him? Was he so close they could almost touch? Or was he turned away too, facing the wall and maintaining the gulf between them? Christian didn't want to know, so he didn't turn.

He finally slept. He got a full night's sleep. It wasn't entirely peaceful, but it was normal enough and affected by current worries rather than the nightmares of the past and the spectre of Alec. When he woke it was still early, but he decided to get up then, and he didn't even look back at Syed as he plodded to the bathroom, as he still didn't want to know how close or far away from each other they had been in the bed all night.

When he returned, Syed had moved and was now half sprawled over Christian's pillow with his nose stuck in the folds of the cotton. Christian allowed himself to smile at the sight. No matter how annoyed he might be at Syed at any one time, it was always only going to be a passing argument and he loved the man. Sometimes, they just needed to be mad at each other for a while, let the pressure out and they'd make up later and say how both had been idiots. That was likely to be sometime in the afternoon today. This morning though, he just needed to be moody a bit longer and stay in his pyjamas until lunchtime.

He turned the TV on. Too loud. Syed sat up suddenly at the sound. "Oops. Sorry," Christian said before taking a sip of the tea he'd made himself.

"You did that on purpose," Syed said grumpily.

"Never."

"What time is it?"

"Just before seven." Christian faced away from the TV and towards Syed. "The alarm's about to go off anyway. You're the one it's set for, so you can go to Mosque."

Syed groaned and threw back the covers before clanging around the flat as he got ready. Eventually he was washed and dressed, all the while with Christian keeping one eye on the rubbish morning television and the other on Syed.

"I need to go straight from Mosque to the Estate Agents and finalise everything for the Argee Bhajee sale. I don't know when I'll be home."

"Okay."

"I'll text you."

"Okay."

Syed was about to walk out the door when he stopped. "Is that all you have to say?"

"There's nothing else to say! You'll text me."

"Right," Syed hovered for another moment, watching Christian's back, and then he gave up. "See you."

"Yeah."

*

He still hadn't seen any sign of Christian Clarke. What was going on? It was as if the man never came out of the house. Now it had come to a point where he had to draw him out. He had a couple of ideas up his sleeve. The sooner he got the restaurant, then the sooner he might get things moving.

Kyle signed the different papers, all under the watchful eye of the Estate Agents and Syed. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you," he said with a smile, looking up briefly as more papers were put in front of him.

"Likewise."

"I plan on celebrating with a drink in the local pub later, maybe you'd care to join me? You could bring your partner along."

"That's lovely but we can't."

"Come now! You should celebrate the sale as well. Getting the place off your hands and lining the pockets a little more."

"Thank you, but Christian's been ill recently."

"I hope it's not serious," Kyle stood straight now he was done signing and looked at Syed with as much concern as he could muster. He wasn't sure how to feel about illness. He wanted the man to suffer but he wanted to cause it himself, not some microbes in his body.

"No, certainly not. He'll be fine."

"That'll be why I haven't met him then?" Kyle hedged, and Syed nodded. "That's a shame. Pass on my regards, though."

"I will," Syed said and the men shook hands.

Once Syed and the Estate Agents left, Kyle stood outside the Argee Bhajee with his hands deep in his pockets and his head lost in thought. Now he owned a hunk of burned building, the same one Alec died in. Now he knew a bit more about why he'd still never laid eyes on Christian Clarke. It was frustrating to know he was staying inside his flat and not coming out.

He had wanted to be able to look the man in the eyes before putting any of his real plan into motion. He wanted to see him as he was, see how happy he was to still be living his life, while Alec was dead and Kyle felt like his world had been ripped apart. In the end, if he couldn't then so be it. In fact, it could work in his favour as it was Syed that he had plans for. With Christian's whereabouts constantly known, it would take away some of his worry - no chance of Christian showing up halfway through.

No, this could work.

Kyle looked back at the Argee Bhajee. The charred sign and the plywood covering the windows would also be a great help to him. The location was perfect enough for phase one.

Kyle walked away, a swagger to his steps that he was well aware of. By the time he made it across London to his flat he'd spent his entire journey playing and replaying the options in his head for what would happen. He tried to imagine some best and worst case scenarios so that he was happy with all possible outcomes and knew how to combat anything Syed might come up with to stop him.

He went straight to his desk drawer, and opened it slowly. His hand reached in and he pulled out the gun that had been hidden in there for a while. It was unloaded at the moment, but it wouldn't be for long.


	5. Chapter 5

Christian got a text from Syed mid-afternoon. "Seeing Tam. Be home in hour. Love you. x"

He smiled to himself as he read it. Clearly they were getting over their argument from the night before and typically enough, the thaw had come when they were rather far apart and only able to communicate this way. He quickly sent a text back while grinning to himself, "np, love u 2. x"

Christian then continued with the housework. He'd just finished the hoovering when the text had come through, and he'd changed the sheets on the bed. Now he was doing some extra polishing to fill up the time. Now that he knew he had an hour to kill on his own until Syed got home, he wanted to be busy. So he decided to plug the hoover back in and do the curtains.

He was folding the laundry and putting everything away when Syed arrived home.

"Hey, babe," Christian said as he watched Syed out of the corner of his eye, taking off his jacket and dumping his keys in the bowl. "How's Tam?"

"Mum's taking over the Wedding planning, Dad's still full of resentment towards Yusef and Afia's... Afia."

"That good then."

"Tam needed some time away from it all so I took him to the High Street for a coffee."

"Being the dutiful big brother?"

"I do my best," Syed thumped down on the couch, looking quite tired after his day. "Good news, though. The Bhajee sale is complete. We're shot of it."

"Wow... " Christian sat next to Syed, but kept his eyes forward on the wall as he considered the information. "It feels weird to be rid of it. I mean, we never really got much of a chance with owning it."

"It's better that we don't have it, after everything... neither of us wanted it, not really."

"No... but for a while we had those dreams of it being successful. Seems strange that it was only a few months ago."

Syed turned slightly on the sofa, his leg folding up underneath him, "I quite like the idea of turning the clock back. Going back to the massage course and finishing what I started, combining our talents like we always wanted. It's for the best and we'll be happier this way."

"I know," Christian smiled at him.

Syed reached out and took Christian's hand, "Last night, I didn't mean to not be positive. I'm sorry."

Christian sighed, "No, I'm sorry. I snapped at you and you were just concerned."

"So we're both sorry, can we move on now?"

"Always," Christian couldn't stop the flirtatious smile from gracing his lips and he leaned in for a kiss that Syed returned happily, with a slight moan as they pulled apart.

"This is always my favourite part of our arguments," Syed took a moment longer before opening his eyes.

"And here I was, thinking it was that simmering sexual tension when we're shouting. You know, that part where you have to stomp off before you give in and rip my clothes off."

"No, that's your favourite bit."

"Oh? So it is..." Christian leaned in for another kiss, and then they were disturbed by the rumbling of Syed's stomach.

"Didn't you eat when you were with Tam?"

"No, just had the coffees. How about we go out for dinner?" Christian had to give Syed credit for trying, but it immediately worried Christian to think about going out. He'd only just started on the new medication and he wasn't sure how it was going to work... that morning's dose might be wearing off.

"It might be better if we stick to take out," he said.

Syed raised a hand to the back of Christian's neck and ran his fingers through the back of his short hair. "Okay."

*

Over dinner, Syed had asked Christian how the medication felt. He didn't have much of an answer. He'd taken two during the morning, but despite some initial tiredness, he hadn't noticed much yet. He was supposed to space them out, but only taking two didn't seem right. Surely they'd wear off after a few hours, but he was going by what was advised on the label.

He stood now, looking into the bathroom mirror, while Syed was on the sofa. He'd come in here to hide for a moment, having neatly avoided Syed's question as to whether he might like to go out for a walk, or if they might go to the Minute Mart together in the morning.

He came into the bathroom because he'd felt his anxiety rise as Syed kept mentioning the outside world and he didn't want to snap at his fiancé again. Syed had good intentions. He clearly hoped that the medication would help almost instantly. Maybe he was right, maybe it was supposed to?

Christian raised his hand to the cabinet, but before opening it, he noticed for himself that his hand was shaking. He took a second to contemplate it then yanked the cabinet open and reached for his pills. He read the instructions again. He then grabbed the old sleeping pills and read the label on them... they seemed similar in recommended dosage. So if he'd doubled up on the sleeping pills, then what harm would there be on doubling the dose of these anxiety meds? After all, if his hand was shaking, then he must be anxious... so he needed more. It made some kind of logical sense to him.

He put the sleeping pills right at the back again, covering them with older bottles of paracetamol and ibuprofen and then opened the newer one, hearing the pills rattle as he shook two into his hand. Yusef had said to only take one at night, but an extra one wasn't much. He threw the two into his mouth and swallowed, a glass of water on hand to help them down.

He took a few deep breaths, allowing his body to calm down. He looked at his hand again, wiped it on his jeans and wrung it out and then lifted it, right in front of his face, and saw it was fine. The pills work fast.

He felt that dullness creep over his brain. There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Christian, are you okay? You've been in there a while."

"Yeah. Yes. I'll be right out, sorry."

He shook his head, he must have zoned out. He looked at his watch, but it was pointless as he wasn't aware of when he'd come into the bathroom in the first place.

He headed back out and on opening the door almost walked into Syed, who put his hands on both of Christian's arms to steady him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine. I just took another... thing. It works fast. Takes a little getting used to. Side effects."

"What kind of side effects?"

"Makes me a little woozy at first, is all. Nothing to worry about, I'll be fine in a little bit."

Syed face was full of concern. He hadn't seen Christian take the first dose this morning so wasn't aware that Christian had been affected in any way by them. "Did this happen this morning?"

"Yeah, I just sat down for a bit then by lunch I felt perfectly fine again."

"Christian, you only just went on these today; maybe we should check with Yusef to make sure this is normal."

Christian sat on the bed and his body swung lightly for a moment. "He told me what to expect. This was part of it. Might help me sleep better, we thought."

"You're already sleeping better without them."

Christian grimaced, knowing he'd been hiding the truth from Syed. "I know but... like we said, they calm me down. That's what we wanted, isn't it?"

"Of course," Syed sat with him, "Of course it is, sorry." He rubbed his back, and Christian began to contemplate the rhythm of the hand up and down his spine. "You look properly tired though, so you get ready for bed and I'll sort everything else out for us."

"I love you," Christian smiled, loopily.

"I love you more," Syed responded.


	6. Chapter 6

"You are such an idiot," Christian said to his own reflection in the mirror the next morning. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and blinked a few times to get rid of the early morning bleariness. He probably learned a lesson last night. Taking double the dosage had made him loopy and in a way that was pretty understandable. It had been a little like being drunk, the way he'd felt like he was a step behind himself as Syed helped him into bed like a child. He liked being taken care of by Syed but that felt ridiculous in the cold light of day.

As he reached into the cabinet to take that morning's pills, he took only the one. He swallowed it with water and went about the rest of his morning routine, slowly feeling like it might be taking effect as he continued on. He did feel woozy but in a much more manageable way.

He hugged Syed from behind when he went back out and into the kitchen, dropping his head onto Syed's shoulder, "Morning, babe."

"Good morning. Did you take another pill?" Syed asked.

"Yes, a little while ago."

Syed turned in Christian's arms so he could get a proper look at him. "You look better this morning, than last night."

"Thanks?" Christian smiled.

"You know what I mean. It takes time to get used to them. Yusef said you might be a bit weird adjusting to them. Maybe once you are feeling a bit more normal we could go out. Maybe later today?"

"Maybe," Christian said, though his response was mainly to avoid an argument. He wanted Syed to think, no... to know that progress was being made faster so that everything would get back to normal. Or, at least, appear normal. And Syed wasn't going to tell him off for how he was last night, which he usually would, if it had been alcohol related. But since Yusef had said something, it seemed he was in the clear. Or maybe he hadn't actually been as loopy as he thought? The two pills together may have been fine after all...

"One thing though," Syed's eyes turned harder, showing he was adamant about what he was saying and bringing Christian's back to the conversation properly, "When you do decide to go out, you wait for me. We want to avoid a repeat of last time so we're going to play it safe and go out together. Maybe your mum could come too... provide a distraction."

"A distraction is one thing, mum is something else entirely. Just you and me will be fine."

"Okay, well... open a window? At least get some fresh air in here and get used to the noise from the street or something."

"I can do that."

Syed's phone rang and he had to let go of Christian and move over to the table where it was sitting to answer it. "Hello? Yes, hi... oh, right... okay, I didn't realise...how about this afternoon if you're around?... sounds good, thanks for that. Bye."

He put the phone down and Christian looked at him expectantly, and nosily. "Who was that?"

"That was Kyle, the guy who bought the Argee Bhajee. He says he's found some stuff that looks like it survived the fire and wondered if we want it."

"I didn't think there would be anything left. Did he say what it was?"

"Just that it looked like it might be personal. It might just be a couple of photos or something. I'll take a look later and see if it really is salvageable. If I'm there for a while we might need to postpone going out."

"Postpone?"

"Well, I thought I might go round to see mum this afternoon too. After she saw me with your mum yesterday talking about the wedding I just want to see she's still okay about everything."

"I know your mum has issues but I thought she was fine with us getting married."

"She is. Mostly. But I think, since dad's doing his best to ignore it and us, that she's struggling reconciling the two things. She was also fine with being there when she thought it wasn't going to be a big deal but with your mum planning things..."

"She thinks we're flaunting it," Christian stated

"Probably something like that. She just needs some time to get used to everything."

"Look, I get it. I understand what she's like, but it is frustrating." Christian hugged Syed. "I see how what she says and does affects you."

"She's my mum, I love her. I want her support."

"I know you do."

"I don't know how long it'll take, but if I have to go running all over Walford today then it might be night time before we can go out properly."

"I'm not sure about night time..."

"I thought as much."

"There's no rush. Another day to give myself enough head space and get used to the drugs, there's nothing wrong with that."

Syed gave Christian a puzzled look, "I'm not rushing you, am I? To get outside, to be able to go back to work?"

"No," Christian couldn't have been very convincing, so he repeated himself, "No. It's fine. I want to get everything sorted too."

"Okay," Syed said and his hand rubbed over Christian's chest before he placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Best get going then. Sooner I leave, the sooner I get home again."

*

"Mum?" Syed called out as he closed the door behind him.

"I'm in the kitchen!" he heard in response, and moved through the narrow hallway to the back of the house where Zainab was standing doing the ironing. "What are you doing here?" She asked, quietly, as if worried someone might hear.

"Is dad in?"

"No, he's still at work." To cover herself she continued, "Kamil is sleeping upstairs."

"Oh, right. Sorry." Syed kept his voice down. "Look I just wanted to see how you were after... yesterday."

"Yesterday?" she asked, sounding a little confused.

"Well, just that Linda can be a bit..."

"Brash?" Zainab supplied, "Loud? Irritating..."

"Okay, yes, fine."

"Now I know where her son gets it all from..."

"Mum," Syed put a warning tone in his voice.

"I'm just stating a fact..."

"Mum!" Syed almost shouted, but managed to lower his voice at the last moment. "I just... I know she can be a bit 'overbearing' about this whole wedding thing but she's excited. There are going to be times that she talks about it to other people and I know you're still a bit... 'sensitive', about the whole thing. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," Zainab answered, keeping her head down as she ironed a shirt a little rougher than was maybe necessary.

"It's not going to be a big deal. Christian and I are keeping control of it. Linda's not going to become the wedding planner or anything. It's about what Christian and I want, no one else. Small, intimate... just family..." he took a moment, fingers tracing a random pattern on the counter-top. "I want you to be there."

Zainab put the iron down, sighed and then looked up at her son. "I don't know, Syed. It's difficult."

"Because of what dad thinks?"

"Your father isn't thinking what you think he's thinking..." She stopped for a moment and frowned, "He's doing what he thinks is right."

"By ignoring me."

"By giving himself time to wrap his head around everything. Time to pray, time to contemplate what everything means to his whole family."

"What about you? I thought after everything that happened that you were better with me. With Christian."

"Independently? Yes... Christian is a good man. You are a good son. Both of you getting married is much more complicated."

"You still think God will reject me, don't you." It wasn't a question. Syed knew the answer and Zainab didn't supply one. She just gave Syed a pitying look, and he simply couldn't stay in the house with her any longer. This time he went out of the back door, and didn't care about the noise when it slammed shut behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

Kyle drove up to the Argee Bhajee early. He was able to squeeze his car in by the extension and he was careful to make sure no one could see the bulge in the top of his trousers as he stepped out.

He smoothed down his suit jacket and grabbed the small bag in the back seat of the car before unlocking the back entrance to the restaurant.

He took his time. He wasn't meeting Syed until later on, so he had some time to prepare. He put several items where he'd need them, pleased he was able to hide them in areas clear of debris behind counters in the kitchen.

Once that was done, he took a look around.

Alec had died here. His Alec. He missed him.

Best friends since university, Alec may have had the upper hand in the friendship considering he had the money to start all his enterprises, but Kyle had been right there with him all the way. Some had accused him of riding coattails but neither Alec nor Kyle had ever given in to taunts like that. They knew that Kyle had been there when life had been difficult for Alec after coming out and his parents' death and Alec had always said how appreciative he was of that.

In business they had a good working relationship and Alec trusted only Kyle with his accounts. There had never been anything dodgy, not in the real sense of the word... well, nothing illegal. The odd smudge here and there, but never anything that could land either of them in a jail cell.

Despite Alec's last few months being distant from Kyle, and despite the newspaper reports and the rumours and the outright lies that had been told about Alec's last weeks alive, Kyle still loved him.

Today was an important day on the road to justice.

He looked at his watch again. He had a little bit of time still.

He took a walk around the area, just enough to clear his head and relax himself, all the while holding his hand just above his belt, keeping his jacket flat against the hidden object underneath. He walked past the blue door that led to the flat that Christian and Syed shared, and the sight of it gave him a renewed vigor. He was almost tempted to shout out to the open window above as he saw the curtains move but he held it all inside and returned to the restaurant.

And waited.

*

Syed barely paid attention to his surroundings as he was walking. He had his head buried in his mobile phone, his fingers furiously texting Christian back.

'Shes doing my head in. thought we were getting somewhere.'

He waited a moment, his head up briefly to check he didn't get run over while crossing the street, and then his phone pinged at him.

'was never going 2 b easy. no matter what we do. x'

'just want her and dad to accept.'

He stopped outside the front of the Argee Bhajee as his phone went off again in his hand.

'know u do. what time you home? x'

'soon. x' he replied and shoved his phone in the pocket of his jeans. He had to go around the back of the restaurant as the front was still boarded up and a no-go area. He knocked on the door, but its heavy metal bulk didn't resonate and instead he just had to pop his head in the door and call out, "Hello? It's Syed."

He took a tentative step inside. He hadn't wanted to come back here; he didn't like it in here. But if Kyle had found something with any sentimental value to him or Christian then he definitely wanted the opportunity to have it back. He had put a few photos of them in the back office so maybe one of those had fallen from the wall and managed to end up in some kind of safe cubbyhole only to be found now.

"Syed! I'm in the back!" he heard Kyle holler from through the swing door, though it didn't so much swing anymore without some ominous creaking as he moved through it.

It was still dark inside. The windows had no way of letting light into the main room and all Kyle had in place at the moment was a battery operated light sitting on one of the tables nearer the office. Syed looked around at the tables, most of which were missing legs and lying on their sides amidst rubble from the walls and ceiling. He remembered the effort he'd put into the design and now it was all just a ruin that no longer even belonged to him.

"Hello?" He called again. The sooner he grabbed what he needed and got out, the better.

Kyle sauntered into the main area, his hands in the pockets of his pristine suit, but he had his tie loosened and the top buttons undone while the rest of him just seemed immaculate. "It's a shame, you know," he said as he kicked at some charred pieces of flotsam on the floor.

Syed assumed he meant the fire. "I don't want to remember, to be honest with you."

"Because someone died in here?"

"That's a part of it. A man died, there's no good in that."

"What happened here?" Kyle voiced seemed low, forcibly controlled and with a hint of something Syed couldn't ascribe.

"I don't think it's appropriate to talk about."

Kyle took a few more steps forward. "Is it not appropriate to tell a friend about a tragic event? A friend who'd like some answers?"

Syed frowned. "We're not friends..." he hedged.

"No, we're most definitely not." Kyle's eyes grew dark. Syed took a step back as Kyle approached. He knew that look now, that look was not a good one. His eyes seemed dark, black, menacing. "Alec, he was my friend."

"You knew Alec?" Syed twigged more about this just mere moments before Kyle spoke. It made some sort of sense, they certainly seemed similar. Maybe that was why he had never enjoyed being around Kyle for long?

"Alec was one of the most important people in the world to me."

Syed shook his head. The more Kyle spoke, the more nervous he was. He didn't like what was coming out of Kyle's mouth. He didn't like the idea that Alec had friends or family. He didn't like the idea that there were vestiges of that man's life around him. Around Christian. Kyle pushed back the blazer of his suit and this time Syed could see the low light glinting off something tucked down by the man's belt. He swallowed.

"You didn't find anything of mine here, did you?" He really hoped Kyle would say yes, but he knew the truth. He didn't want to hear it but he knew it, and he knew he should turn and run but his legs weren't responding as they should.

"No." Kyle growled and with one last step, he whipped an arm around Syed's neck, bringing him towards his chest and, pulling a large handkerchief from his pocket, he placed it over Syed's nose and mouth and let the chloroform do its job. Syed struggled against him, tearing at the constricting arm, but he was flailing blindly and he felt himself tumbling away from consciousness. His last thought was worry. Worry about what Kyle might try to do to Christian, too.


	8. Chapter 8

Kyle Helmsley took a moment to straighten himself out. He smoothed down his clothing and batted bits of debris from his suit where it had been kicked up against him. Only then did he look down at the man in a heap on the floor in front of him.

He'd be unconscious for a while, there was no real concern there of any immediate threat, but the next step of his plan was to get the dead weight out to his car and drive away without anyone noticing.

Luckily he'd been able to squeeze his car in the back of the restaurant but he'd still have to be careful. He went back through into the kitchen and found some old boxes to prop open the heavy back door. He then opened the boot of his car. He did it all as nonchalantly as possible, even though his eyes kept darting to the street. He had to time this right.

As he approached Syed again, he warily checked that he was definitely unconscious by kicking at his leg. There was no response. He leaned down over the unconscious man and slapped his face. Still no response. Not even a flinch. He was definitely out for the count.

He hooked his hands under Syed's arms and began to drag him to the back door where he then let the other man fall to the ground with a heavy thump, only belatedly realising that although he didn't care about Syed's well-being, he didn't want to give him too much of a head injury. Still, on inspection he seemed okay. He might have a bit of a lump from where his head hit the floor but there was no bleeding.

He ducked his head around the corner. Anyone on the street could barely see into the alley, and no one was paying any attention. He didn't like to risk it though, so he went and grabbed a tarp from the boot of his car and then wrapped as much of Syed as he could in it before lifting him properly. He was heavier than he expected for such a slight looking man, but with some straining muscles, Kyle did his best to make it look effortless, as if he was just carrying out some trash to take to the dump. He threw Syed in the boot of the car, made sure the tarp wasn't too tight over his head and he could breathe, and then unceremoniously shut the boot.

He dusted his hands off, closed the door to the Argee Bhajee, got in his car, and drove.

*

Syed did not feel well.

His head was banging and all muggy and his muscles felt like they didn't want to co-operate. Was he ill? His eyes were closed. He hoped he was in bed but he knew he wasn't comfortable. He tried to move his arm to his face but he couldn't do it. He moaned.

"Christian?" His throat seemed a bit dry as he said Christian's name. He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to everything, letting his surroundings come into focus through the fog in his mind, and it was then that he realised he wasn't in bed, but in a dark room of some sort and he was sitting up. He was in a chair. Not a comfortable sofa or arm chair, but an old, metal, uncomfortable one.

The reason, he realised when he looked down, that he couldn't move his hands was because they were strapped down. His feet were too. In fact, he was completely bound to the chair and he could barely move.

"What...?"

"Took you long enough," a voice said. "I've been waiting for you for ages. I finished my book an hour ago."

"What...?" Syed repeated, not sure what was going on. His mind was still trying to catch up with the rest of his body.

Suddenly a face appeared right in front of his eyes, so close it was out of focus at first and made Syed pull his head back in surprise. The eyes inspected him. "You're still a bit out of it. Maybe I used too much chloroform. Either that or you're just a weakling."

Syed screwed his eyes up as the person pulled back and his features came into focus. "Kyle?"

"There you go! Catching up..."

"What's going on?" he asked. He remembered now, Kyle had attacked him? He'd turned on him, he remembered him coming towards him, a struggle and then... nothing.

"Nothing to worry about. Well, maybe a little. You see, it's not you I want. I just need you to sit tight for me for a bit. Needed to get you away from Albert Square and Walford."

"Away? Why? What do you want?"

"What do I want?" Kyle grabbed another old chair and sat on it, opposite Syed. He put his hands on his knees and contemplated the question. "I want a lot of things. A lot of things I can't have, like... having my best friend back with me."

Syed's focus was returning properly. He still had a banging headache but he had his wits back and that was the main thing. He tried to carefully check the strength of his bindings while keeping Kyle distracted by talking. "You're talking about Alec."

"Yes. I loved Alec." Kyle shook his head. "We did everything together when we were students. We used to tell people we grew up together, just that we weren't kids when we met, but we did do a hell of a lot of growing up from students to the men we became."

Syed scoffed at the words. In his head all he could think was that 'the men they became' were psychos. "So what is this? Some sort of revenge?" He shook his head, trying to remain calm. "Killing me won't do you any good. It won't bring you any peace."

"I don't want to kill you," Kyle said, he stood again and came closer so he could crouch in front of Syed and then spoke in a quiet, calm, measured voice. "You're just my bait. It's Christian that I want to kill."

Syed stopped breathing. For a moment he just held his breath. He looked into Kyle's eyes and saw that he meant it. This man was crazy and capable of anything. When it was just him in danger he was holding onto himself but the minute Kyle said Christian's name, all his protective instincts collided in his brain and gave themselves away in his face. Kyle read him like a book and, absurdly pleased with what he saw, a grin broke out on his face.

He continued his taunts, seeing how it was affecting Syed. "You're not there, Syed. He's on his own. He doesn't know where you are, what's he going to be like then?"

Syed swallowed. Kyle knew nothing about Christian's agoraphobia, he just knew he was ill. He also didn't know how much the two men had been leaning on each other since Alec's final attack. He had no idea about Yusef's warning to Syed that Christian was leaning that bit too heavily on him and that was what flooded his thoughts right now. If he wasn't there, Christian wouldn't get the help he needed.

"He'll be at his lowest. Frantic to find you. Once I get him where I want him, I'll get to take that last look in his eyes as he realises how much of his world I've destroyed and then..." Kyle trailed off, lost in the thought of Christian's final moments. He then shook himself and turned to Syed again. "And then it'll just be you. On your own. You get to be me. You get to know what it's like to lose someone who is that important to you."

It was at that moment that a ringing punctured the air between them, startling them both. Kyle reached into the pocket of Syed's jeans and pulled out his phone. Reading the name that flashed up he said, "Speak of the devil," smiled, and then turned the phone off.


	9. Chapter 9

Christian lowered the phone from his ear and hit the red button on it in annoyance. Where was Syed? He'd said he'd be home soon but that was hours ago. It was past dinner time now, where was he? Surely he hadn't gone to try again at his parents' house? After the way he seemed in the text message earlier, it was possible, but if so then he was a glutton for punishment. He should have been home a long time ago, even if he was busy today.

What did he say he had to do again? He was checking in at the gym to make sure Paul and Sylvia were okay. He had to go to the bank, and he was going to the post office to send some stuff to Christian's dad, and then he was going to grab some last things from the Argee Bhajee before going to see his mum. Or his dad. Or both. He'd only seen Zainab, judging by the last text message.

Surely he'd be done by now.

They should be sitting watching television right now, arguing about who was going to cook dinner or do the washing up.

This wasn't right. It was going to get dark soon and regardless, Syed never went this long without telling Christian where he was or what he was doing. Especially now. Especially after everything he'd... they'd been through in the last few months.

They'd been living in each others' pockets and, yes, Yusef had said it wasn't healthy and yes, Christian admitted the doctor had a point but they needed their closeness right now and once everything was back on an even keel Christian had no doubts that they would go back to what they were before the drama unfolded in their lives.

Except that would only happen if Syed actually came home! Where was he?

Christian's frustration sent him into overdrive. He paced the flat over and over. He debated going outside to search but that would be pointless... and he might miss Syed coming home. No, he should stay where he was. Safe. Inside. He nodded to himself, and chewed the corner of his phone as he peeled back the window blinds and looked out and down onto the street below.

Maybe something had happened. Maybe someone had had an accident and Syed was helping. Maybe Syed's phone was off because he was at the hospital with his brother or something. Maybe his battery had died.

Maybe Syed had been in an accident. Maybe he was at the hospital. Maybe he'd been hit by something, and his phone had gone flying. Who would they call if Syed was in an accident? Would they call Christian? Had they sorted that out or would they call Zainab as his next of kin?

Christian slowly worked himself up into a ball of nerves and he tried to wait longer but it was so difficult. Something had to be wrong; it wasn't just his brain going to worst case scenarios. He wasn't normally this much of a worrier, there had to be a proper problem for Syed not to call. They knew each others' mobile numbers by heart. If Syed's had died on him then he'd go to a payphone to call Christian. He definitely would.

Christian rushed to a drawer and pulled out a phone book. He skimmed through pages. He noticed his hands shaking as he did so and pulled back. Worry? Was it just the worry? Maybe he was overreacting, maybe this was all a result of his anxiety problem.

He rubbed his face and went to the bathroom. His hands still shook as he reached for the bottle of pills in the cabinet. He shook two into his hand and threw them back, lowering his head to the tap to get a mouthful of water to swallow with them.

He took deep breaths, doing his best to calm down, and went to sit on their bed for a while. He sat for ages but he still worried. As his brain fogged over slightly he closed his eyes. He was still thinking logically. He had enough awareness to do that and logic said Syed wouldn't do this. If Syed wouldn't run this late without letting Christian know then there was a problem. And now Christian had to start doing things that people did when they were worried about loved ones.

He looked at his watch. All in all, another half an hour had almost passed since he'd taken the pills. He ran back into the bathroom and grabbed them again. His hands weren't shaking this time so whatever was in them was working on the physical symptoms that were presenting themselves, but his mind was still filled with anxieties. He contemplated taking more but, no. No, he shouldn't right now. Pills should be spaced out, right? You wait before taking more and it hadn't been long enough yet. He shoved the bottle in his pocket.

Back in the main room he grabbed the phone book again where it was open on the page with the local hospital phone number. No, not yet. He should do that as a last resort and this wasn't a last resort moment. Not yet.

He picked up his phone and he dialed a number he didn't want to, but had to. It rang for just a few short rings and then the other person said hello, sounding tired. "Zainab? It's Christian. Is Syed with you?"

"No, why?"

"He hasn't come home."

"He's probably just busy."

"He told me he was coming home after seeing you, when did he leave?"

"Hours ago." Zainab's voice betrayed a hint of worry now too, Christian could hear it clearly.

"I dunno, he might have had something else after but he told me he'd see me soon and then nothing. It's late, I'm getting worried. What if he's been in an accident or something?"

"Have you called anyone else?"

"You were my first thought."

"Okay, look... I'll leave Kamil with his father and I'll come round and help."

"Thanks, Zainab."

She said nothing back. Christian hung up the phone and then decided to call the Vic. Maybe he'd been in at some point? But Alfie was adamant he hadn't seen him and he'd been on the bar since mid-afternoon without a break. He asked Kat, but she'd been up and down with Tommy all day and couldn't be sure. He then tried calling the Caf, where Marie said she didn't remember seeing Syed since the day before. He even called the laundrette but there was no answer. He looked at his watch, realising they'd be closed now. The Minute Mart too.

The door buzzer sounded. He had an odd flutter of hope that it was Syed and he'd lost his key but when he opened the main door, it was Zainab. She marched in, put her bag on the table and turned to Christian. "I asked Tamwar, but he hasn't seen his brother all day."

"I've tried everywhere I can think of," Christian said, holding his phone up in exasperation.

"Have... have you tried the ho... hospital?" Zainab asked, unable to meet Christian's gaze.

"I didn't want to. Not yet."

"It might be time."

Christian nodded. He looked down at the phone book and carefully dialed the number. When he got through he asked to be put through to the A&E admission desk and then, when he asked, they said they had no records of him. He tried describing Syed to them, in hopes they had some John Doe brought in too, but nothing came up. Christian didn't know whether to be relieved or even more worried.

The first thing he did when he hung up was to punch in more numbers on his phone. He was doing this now before he bottled it. He looked Zainab right in the eye as he spoke, "Hello, Police? I'd like to report a missing person."


	10. Chapter 10

They sat opposite each other. One man had no choice in the matter, bound to the chair as he was; the other lounged on the backwards-facing chair with his arms resting on the seat back. Neither spoke for a little while after Kyle put Syed's phone in his own pocket. As he had done so, Syed had seen the glint of the gun in his waistband and at that moment he realised he had to be incredibly careful.

Somehow they'd attracted another unstable person to themselves. Maybe it wasn't so odd that two men like Alec and Kyle would bond in their latent insanity. It had all stayed hidden until Christian and Syed got involved in their lives but it could have been anyone to pull these parts of their personalities to the forefront. He felt some pity for Kyle though. The man had suffered the loss of a dear friend, and any loss deserved sympathy. It was how he was handling the loss that was a problem.

As he sat there, he realised just how scared Christian must have been when he'd gone to rescue Kamil from that warehouse. He was in a similar environment himself right now. He could tell, now that his brain was less fuzzy from the chloroform, that he was being held in a room inside a dingy old warehouse, as he could see through an internal window into what looked like a vast space beyond. The metal of the building was rusting and old and there was no electricity in the place. Now that it was getting dark, all they had were the battery operated lights that Kyle had brought with him.

It seemed whatever Kyle was doing, he'd had it planned for a while.

Syed cleared his throat and decided to break the silence, carefully. "Revenge... it's not the answer."

"Oh please, spare me the lecture. Besides, 'revenge' is such a nasty word. I prefer 'justice'."

"Justice?" Syed scoffed. "What about this is justice? You kidnapped me, you've got a gun... isn't all that against the law? Will you then have to face justice for whatever you do to Christian? To me?"

"Yes." Kyle said, calmly.

Syed hadn't expected that. He'd hoped to jog some sense into Kyle but it was as if Kyle's addled brain still knew precisely what it was doing. But then, maybe it had to be to plan all this and to put it in motion. He was the most dangerous of lunatics. He was a smart, calculating one.

"What do you mean, 'yes'?"

"I fully expect a jail sentence, if I'm caught."

"Jail, for... murder? Cos that's what you're planning, right? But you're taking justice into your own hands. An eye for an eye, yeah? Who's to say someone won't come after you in the same way for all of this?"

"Maybe they will. The same applies to them if they catch me too."

"It's a vicious cycle. Kyle." Syed tried to put some force into his voice. "No good can come of it."

"I don't care about good!" Kyle shouted. "I care... cared... about Alec. Without him, I don't have anything. He was everything to me and I lost him. First to his distraction and then he died..." Kyle scooted his chair closer and when he was only about a foot away from Syed's face, he looked him square in the eye. "Tell me, Syed... tell me; what would it be like to lose Christian?"

Syed stayed quiet. He dropped his eyes. He didn't want to think about the prospect. He'd had enough close calls from the Vic fire to the Argee Bhajee to think about it and he never liked where his darker thoughts led him to.

"TELL ME!" Kyle screamed in Syed's face, bringing his attention back onto him. Kyle had taken the gun from his belt and pushed it into the side of Syed's head, betraying his calm exterior for a moment before settling back down. He waved the gun in front of his face again and shrugged as he played with it. "Tell me. I want to hear it," he said again, more calm.

Syed swallowed; he didn't want to anger Kyle any more so he just had to be honest. "It would rip me apart."

Kyle smiled, though it was the dark smile of a satisfaction borne of someone else's pain. "Keep going."

"... I've had times when I thought I hit rock bottom but I haven't. That would only happen if I didn't have Christian..."

"You see?" Kyle gestured madly between them. "You understand better than you realise. I'm pretty much at rock bottom, Syed. This is what I chose to do with it. When you hit rock bottom in a few days, then you can decide what you do with it."

"A few days?"

"You didn't think this would all be over in a day, did you? I'm going to enjoy this, Syed. I'm taking my time with it."

*

Kyle had left Syed alone for a little while. He occasionally saw the other man through the window as he paced the building. He saw him on a phone at one point but wasn't sure if it was Kyle's own one or Syed's confiscated one. While he was away, Syed had tried to loosen his bindings but to no avail. This wasn't a television show and he had no idea about getting out of whatever knots were being used. As much as he struggled, he just didn't seem to be making a dent.

Kyle wandered back in, making a show of tucking his own phone back into his pocket. "Never underestimate the importance of a good alibi," he said.

Syed looked away from him. He could barely stand to look at him and he knew his disdain was obvious.

"I need to go out for the night."

"Make sure people see you in clubs or something?"

"Something like that. I need to take a detour through Albert Square though."

"The Square?" Syed was surprised that Kyle would mention it. "Why?" He asked warily.

"I need to see what's going on. See if anyone is actually missing you, if they care. Everything in this plan is timed. I need to find out when to play that next card..."

"You're leaving me here? Tied to the chair?"

"Yes."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Sit there. I thought that was obvious."

"What about food, water... other things..."

"Well, I'll give you something to drink before I go, you'll be fine without food for the night and as for that other thing well... when you've got to go, you've got to go."

Syed just stared after Kyle as he went to a bag to grab a bottle of water from it. He couldn't believe this. He hadn't even given it any proper thought. The idea of being here and tied up had initially thrown him into some kind of shock and he'd only thought about the here and now. Suddenly thinking about how he'd cope for a night like this, his brain had immediately thought about going to the toilet. Still, if Kyle went away he'd have more time to try and think up a way of escaping.

Kyle forced the bottle of water into Syed's mouth and urged him to drink. He kept the water there, a lot of it spilling over and down Syed's neck as he tried to drink as much as he could, knowing that if this was all he'd get then he should make the most of it. After, Kyle dropped the empty bottle beside Syed's chair and laughed, "Maybe if you could reach it, you could use it to pee in."

Syed didn't have a response. Slowly it was sinking in just how much trouble he was in and that Kyle certainly didn't care about his welfare. He'd fasted before, so he knew he could go a length of time without food, but that was so much different to this situation.

Kyle wandered out of the room and then, moments later, came back, this time with the gun out of his pocket.

"Oh and, I don't want you getting ideas about escaping while I'm gone. I know what's in your head. Those knots aren't easily undone but... I think you need something to take your mind off escape."

"What would that be?" Syed didn't mean to taunt, and he regretted it the moment he saw that dark smile return to Kyle's face as he pointed the gun at Syed properly.

"This should do the trick."

Syed didn't even have time to gasp before the shot rang out around him. The sound of it was all he noticed; along with a brief flash of hope that other people had heard it. He didn't register the pain until he looked down at himself and saw blood.


	11. Chapter 11

As Syed looked down, the shock hit him. Everything had happened so fast.

He'd been shot.

One minute he was staring at a deranged Kyle pointing a gun at him and the next he saw blood and his body jerked with shock, before he felt the chair wobble and then fall, crashing to the ground and taking him with it. His head hit the concrete surface, even though he'd tried to hold it up, and his wrists were jerked roughly against the rope bindings as he'd tried to also raise them to protect himself.

Kyle hadn't waited to see any more; instead he had turned and disappeared out of the door: the sound of its metal whine as it closed was the last Syed heard of him, and the only light in the room was emanating from a battery operated lamp sat in the middle of the floor.

He'd been shot.

He lay there, tears welling up and then streaming out of his eyes despite him screwing them shut. He gasped in a raggedy breath that reverberated around the room and looked down over his body. He took in the sight of the blood on his leg where he'd been shot and saw the small pulses of the blood coming out of it. He wasn't sure what Kyle had meant to do. He'd shot him.

Was he a good shot or a bad? The bullet had dug a trench down the side of his leg. The graze had meant it hadn't actually gone through him, but it was bleeding and it hurt just the same to him because he'd been shot. Someone had shot him. With a gun.

His jeans were turning a dark shade of red and sticking to the wound. His head hurt. Maybe that was taking away from the pain in his leg?

He tried to relax his breathing and to also relax his stomach muscles, which had tightened in pain and worry. Kyle had left him alone; this may be his only chance to try and get out, despite Kyle's intentions of hurting him to make him stay. He would just have to fight the pain and try. Even if he was tied a chair that had fallen over, leaving him lying on his side.

He stretched his fingers and turned his hand, trying to get hold of the rope, and then he hissed in pain as something else registered in his head.

His arms hurt. His shoulder that was on the floor was giving off a dull throb and his wrists felt like they'd been yanked out of their sockets.

He let his head fall to the cold concrete floor and moaned in pain and defeat.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't do anything, he hurt so badly. He was going to die there. He'd bleed to death and he probably had a concussion so that would affect him if he fell asleep and he knew that no one would come and get him because only Kyle knew where he was.

His brain didn't want to work properly. He blinked his eyes but could barely see past the tears... tears which, he noticed as they fell to the ground beside him, had a pink tinge to them. His head must be bleeding too, from where he hit it. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't hold thoughts for very long and all he wanted was to be held by Christian. He wanted his mum to put a bandage on his head and tell him everything would be okay and he wanted his dad to pat him on the back and say he'd take care of things for him.

He wanted Christian. He wanted to see his eyes, see him smile. He wanted to be tucked up in bed and know he'd still be right there in the morning. He wanted to laugh with him in the park on a sunny day. Where was Christian? He needed to see him, he needed to know he was alright, that they'd both be alright, that they were together through all this.

Kyle said he wanted to kill Christian.

Christian was at home. Of course he was at home, he still couldn't go outside properly so Kyle would know exactly where he could find him.

Syed growled and jerked his body. The chair creaked across the concrete floor in a random direction. He was angry. Angry that Kyle was trying to destroy their lives and why? Because he was the best friend of the evil psychopath who had already tried and failed at the same thing?

He cried out as he forced the chair to move across the ground again with his full body weight. The pain fell to the recesses of his mind as he concentrated on trying to move himself. If he could just get to the door, maybe it would help.

The tears blinded him, getting in the way and making his skin itch as they fell down his cheek in streaks. He managed to summon enough energy to move the chair another few inches but the effort took its toll on him pretty quickly and he could feel the concrete scraping across his arm as he did so. He was out of breath already and the pain re-focused in the centre of his head like a migraine. He wanted to just close his eyes for a moment...

No! Bad idea... if he was concussed then sleeping or resting was a bad idea.

It was then, when he realised that he didn't have the energy or the capability to get himself out of the building, that he let his occasional sobs turn into a proper chance to cry.

"Christian..." he whispered through the difficult breaths, "I'm so sorry..."

He lay there for such a long time that eventually, the tears dried up as there was nothing more in him. The sobs hurt his stomach muscles and tied them in knots and they too, eventually died down to nothing as he didn't have the strength to keep them up even if he wanted to.

He felt terrible. He felt like he was letting Christian down by not being able to get out of the situation quickly. Christian would be at the door by now. He'd be out of the door. He'd have pulled the ropes apart and be free and on his way home, calling the police, sorting everything.

Syed, however, he was still stuck there, a weed, unable to conjure enough power to move a few feet across the room.

The light flickered in front of him. He watched the little light bulb as it began to fade and then it cut out. The battery was dead. Syed was now in darkness, with just a little bit of dull moonlight coming through a gap in a boarded up window. For the rest of the night he could do little else but concentrate on staying awake, mostly done by concentrating on the pain and throbs from different parts of his body as he felt the blood on his jeans harden against and in his wound.

As the sun came up he was still there, barely hanging on to his awareness, forcing himself to keep his eyes open by purposely making the pain worse. If he got out of this alive, he would never complain about a headache or stomach bug or a cold ever again.

What had Kyle done during the night?

And please, Syed quietly prayed, please let Christian and his family still be alright.


	12. Chapter 12

Christian didn't sleep all night. Someone had always been with him, constantly, with only a trip to the bathroom ever leaving him alone while they waited. He'd called everyone he could think of, desperate to find where Syed was, but no one knew anything. The last time they'd seen him was earlier that day when he'd been out and about in the Square but no one knew what had happened since.

Tam and Afia had gone knocking on the door of the Argee Bhajee and there had been no answer, so they didn't know if he'd gone there as he'd told Christian he would. It was too late to contact anyone at the Estate Agents to find a number for the buyer, and Christian and Zainab had both looked in the phone book and found nothing.

Christian had left the door unlocked. He looked up expectantly whenever anyone came in from their searches and every time there was no news, and instead, just a sad shake of the head.

By the time the sun began to come up, Linda was silently sitting beside Christian, encouraging words no longer forthcoming, and Jane was curled up on one end of the sofa, with Zainab on the other. No one had gone near the bed, leaving that for Christian, but he couldn't face it without Syed. He was exhausted but still too wound up with worry to close his eyes.

The police had told him they could do nothing yet, not until he'd been missing for longer. Christian was poised and ready to phone them at nine o'clock when they would be properly open.

In the meantime, he was doing his best to calm his nerves, but it was difficult. Yusef had been by late the previous night and encouraged him to use the anti-anxiety meds to help, as this was the kind of stressful situation they would do the most good in. Since then, Christian had been popping pills since the minute he began to notice his hands shaking. Because he hadn't slept, and because he was so desperately anxious about everything, he'd already taken two during the night. He'd needed to take them when he got so wound up that he'd shouted at the people trying to help him, or when yet another person had asked him if he was tired and needed to rest. He'd said 'no' so many times it frustrated him beyond belief.

He kept putting a hand to his chest, feeling his heart as it beat a drum inside. He hadn't had any panic attacks at the thought of losing Syed. At least the pills were working. And as long as they were working, he'd slowly keep taking them. He wasn't stupid enough to overdose; he knew the risks. He just kept pushing them.

As a result, though, his thoughts seemed a little disjointed. A little behind everyone else's. A little fuzzy. The pills had dulled his senses and occasionally, when his mind threw up all sorts of worst case scenarios where Syed was found dead in a ditch, he wasn't able to truly consider them and be upset to the degree he should be. He wasn't sure if he was thankful for that, or sad, because he shouldn't stop himself from feeling... but feeling could easily incapacitate him and he needed to be here and strong for Syed.

"Please, Christian," Jane said, rousing from where she was clutching a cushion to her chest, "You've still got some time, get some rest."

"No," Christian replied, his chin resting on his hands and one knee bouncing with excess energy under the table.

"You won't do Syed any good if you can't keep your eyes open," Linda added, though they were running out of ways to try and persuade Christian to sleep.

This one didn't work either; Christian simply let out a hollow laugh, "After one night without rest? You've got to be kidding me. When I was a teenager I could go out drinking, come home at stupid o'clock in the morning, have a shower and get to class. No problem."

"You're not a teenager anymore." Zainab's voice was a new one in the mix, but she was awake now.

"You're no spring chicken yourself, love."

"I'm not trying to get into a verbal sparring match with you, I'm just saying, it's been twenty years since you pulled an 'all-nighter'," she answered.

"Under normal circumstances, maybe I'd struggle. But this is different. And I'm not tired," he looked away purposely. He had a headache, but that was all and he wasn't going to let on. It was probably just a side effect from the pills. He looked at his watch. He knew he really shouldn't take another one yet... maybe do it in 4 hour intervals? With people around he couldn't look at the bottle but it was usually about that for paracetamol and it was probably similar for all types of medication anyway. That meant he might need another one in just over two hours...

He looked up at his mother, who seemed like she was waiting for an answer. "Sorry?"

"Right," Linda said, "'Not tired'? You can't concentrate, of course you're tired."

"I'm not listening, there's a difference. I'm sick of talking about me going to bed or not. This is about Sy, not me. We need to find him."

"We can't. We've looked. We need the police now."

"Except they won't do anything!"

"They will. Soon." Jane said.

"It's so stupid. Those rules. If we say Syed wouldn't do it then they should believe us. What if something really serious has happened? Something that could have been stopped if they'd helped us out sooner?"

Linda reached out an arm and pulled Christian towards her, his head coming to rest on her shoulder. "Everyone's doing their best, son."

"No they're not." Christian moaned. Although no one realised, he was only talking about himself. Everyone else had been out or was still out looking. Not Christian, though. He was at home. Hiding. Not able to go outside because of some stupid thing in his head that got in the way. It was pathetic, and ridiculous, and he hated it. It made him mad at himself and guilt washed over him in a wave. It was the same guilt that had plagued him all night whenever he'd let himself think about it all, and he had a feeling he might start shaking soon.

He hated that he already knew when to expect the anxiety to creep up on him.

He rubbed his hands together, trying to use up some nervous energy to avoid the shakiness from hitting him again. "I feel so useless."

"It's not your fault."

"Every time I go near that door my throat goes dry, my stomach flips and my heart just can't take it..."

"You need to give the medication time to help. It takes time to regulate these things. If the Doctor was here, he'd agree with me."

Christian scoffed. "We don't have any time. Syed needs me, us, now."

"You're doing what you can. Besides, someone always has to be at home in case he does get back, or calls, or something." Linda was doing her best but Christian felt like it was all just being said in an attempt to comfort him even though it would never work. He couldn't change how he felt about himself right now, no matter what anyone said. Syed was the only one who ever looked at him without pity, without wondering when he'd suck it up and go outside.

Christian shook off his mother's hold and stood. He smoothed down his clothing and slowly took the steps towards the door. He felt everyone's eyes on him as he stood there, looking around the entire door-frame. He watched his hand shake as it reached out for the handle. He grasped onto it, but instead of turning it he just leaned forward, and in defeat he rested his head against the cool wood. His other hand went to his heart, which was beating so loudly in his chest it felt like an entire military tattoo had set up residency inside him. He turned to the side wall, his back then slid down and he sobbed in defeat, and then growled in frustration as he hit the door with the side of a balled up fist.

In response, the door slowly opened and he looked up surprised to see Yusef standing there, his head poking round the door. At the sight of Christian he pushed his way inside. "Christian? What happened?"

Linda stood to the side. She was joined quickly by Jane, while Zainab watched on from the couch, not getting involved. Linda wanted to help her son, but knowing his stubbornness, she had held back, letting him deal with things in his own way before the doctor had interrupted.

"He keeps trying to go outside, to beat his phobia. He's just frustrated."

Yusef put his fingers on Christian's neck and looked at his watch. "Your heart rate is elevated. When was the last time you took any pills?"

"Uhm, one... a few hours ago." Christian kept one hand shielding his eyes, still trying to hide from everyone's gazes while he kept concentrating on breathing normally.

"Have you had any panic attacks since I was last here?"

"No."

"Christian," Yusef pulled down Christian's arm so he could see him properly, "You're doing well. The pills are working but if you only took one it's probably worn off by now." Yusef reached into his own back pocket and found some similar pills. He asked Jane to grab a drink of water and offered two for Christian to swallow. Christian did so, feeling slightly guilty for not telling Yusef how far apart his pills had been, or not been, as the case may be. But Yusef hadn't asked, either, so perhaps it wasn't so important.

Jane and Yusef manhandled Christian over to sit on the edge of the bed. It was the first time he'd allowed himself near it since Syed had disappeared. As he sat, he looked up at Yusef. "Why are you here? Is there any news?"

"I just wanted to be here when the police came round. I want to make sure they understand your predicament in all of this."

"My predicament?"

Yusef sat beside Christian, sitting straight to stop his suit wrinkling, while Christian was slumped forward and in disarray. "Despite this flat currently being quite full, I want to impress Syed's current role as your carer upon the police. Syed wouldn't abandon that position lightly. As your Doctor, they may respect my authority in the matter. It might spur them to use more resources to find Syed."

"Thank you," Christian said, quietly. A part of him hated the thought of being cared for, but he would welcome it if it was a lie as Yusef was right - it might make them search harder for Syed. He just felt bad because he knew it was the truth and it, yet again, made him feel useless.

"Have you called yet?"

"We've been waiting for the 24 hour thing."

"Call now." Yusef encouraged.

At that, Linda handed Christian the phone, and before the pills could fully fog his brain up, he placed the call.


	13. Chapter 13

There was a man standing on Turpin Road. He slowly made his way to sit down by the war memorial and carefully chewed on his fried egg roll that, surprisingly, he was enjoying. Everyone ignored him. To them he was just another bloke on a street in the East End.

He watched as a police car pulled up outside the blue door by the chip shop and saw two officers climb out and go inside. He'd expected police at some point this morning. He wanted to see them there because at least then, it meant the man inside was worried about where his boyfriend was. This was predictable, and it was what he wanted. It just annoyed him that he'd never seen the man who lived there; after all this time of watching in the past, he'd never seen him. Yes, this was why he'd put a different plan in motion, but he longed to see this man in the flesh. He desperately wanted to know what it was that was so special about him to drive another man to such longing... or just to see his face when he found out what was actually happening around him right now.

He knew the police would be in there for a while, probably asking the same, standard questions over and over, making sure the details were correct. The only problem was that he needed to get back to the warehouse and check that his guest was okay and hadn't either hurt himself any more or done something surprising, like escape.

He spotted a young lad walking the street with a baseball cap on and took the opportunity presented. He approached the young boy and asked him if he knew the people in 15a. He'd nodded and said yes and then he handed the boy an object, paying him twenty quid to go knock on the door and deliver it.

He watched the boy approach the flat, made sure he didn't come back out onto the street and a minute later, when there was still no sign of him, the man made himself scarce, before he found himself being spotted by the police.

*

When Liam knocked on the door, Christian allowed himself one small glimmer of hope. In the flat were his mother, Jane, Zainab, Masood, Tam, Afia and Yusef. Roxy was the only one missing from the group of people he expected would care for either him or for Syed but he knew that she was with Amy at nursery, so who else could possibly want to knock on his door? Especially when there was a police car parked outside.

Masood answered the door and was going to immediately send the young boy packing until he said he'd been paid to drop something off by a stranger.

Christian stood and went to the door. "Liam? What is it?"

The boy held his hand out and Christian gasped, putting one hand to his mouth as he immediately recognised the object in Liam's hand - Syed's wallet. He reached out for it and took it from him.

"Where did you get that, Liam?" Masood asked as one officer joined them near the door, and Christian sunk into a chair by the table next to the other officer.

"A man. He gave me it and said I had to bring it right to you."

"Did he say anything else?" The elder Masood pushed for more as the officer noted down a few bits and pieces.

"No, he just said bring it to you, that it's important you get it now."

"Okay, young man," the officer began, "Step outside with me and let's see if you can see him. If not, I'm going to need you to give me a description, can you do that?"

Liam nodded, unsure about what to say to him. As they headed out of the door the police officer could be heard asking him his name and where he lived and about his parents.

Christian opened the wallet and looked inside. There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary. There was money in the back pocket, his driver's license and cards in the sides and some receipts tucked wherever they could fit. The picture of Christian and Syed from Christian's birthday was there too, looking up at him from behind its plastic window. Christian bit his knuckle before Zainab grabbed the wallet from where he'd put it down on the table.

"Mr Clarke, that's your fiancé's wallet, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Is anything missing?"

"No, it uh... it looks like normal."

"And you didn't see anything extra added in?"

Christian shook his head. "This means something though, right?" He took in all the downhearted faces around him and then looked at the officer. "Someone told Liam to bring it to me for a reason. There's someone out there who knows where Syed is. And he knew about me, and where we both live."

The Officer made notes in his book and then after some moments of silence and debating, he spoke again. "This does indicate more than just a regular missing person's case," he said. "It's possible this may be a kidnapping."

The moment he voiced what others were beginning to think, the mood in the room immediately dropped, even though it was difficult for it to get any lower. Zainab let tears flow from her eyes as she turned and hugged Masood. Afia held tightly to Tam, who was clearly upset at the thought that someone was hurting his brother. Jane immediately gathered Christian into her arms while Yusef watched, as anyone would believe, to make sure Christian was medically okay with this news.

Christian gasped audibly as he pulled away from Jane. Everyone looked at him, oddly as he looked back at them. "Oh my God. Alec," he said, pointing it out to the others as if it was so obvious and he was suddenly scared at the implication.

"He's dead, Christian," Masood reasoned.

"He faked it before, he could have done it again."

"I thought they tested everything. The police seemed adamant it was his body in the fire," Tamwar added.

"Who else could it be? Who else would do this to us?"

Yusef approached Christian, who stood in what had become the middle of a circle. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "Christian, Alec has been to blame for a lot of things that have happened to you and Syed, but you have to trust me. He's not behind this."

"But who could it be? Who would take Syed?" Christian paled at the thought.

No one had an answer for him and, to Christian, that felt like them relenting. It must be Alec. He must still be alive. And if he was still alive, what would he do to Syed? What could he be doing to him right now? Christian faltered at the thought. Oh god, he hated Syed so much. Syed could be dead.

As Christian sunk back into the seat at the table, with Yusef's help, his head fell into his hands. He distantly heard other people talking but he ignored them, he ignored all of them and got lost in his thoughts instead. In his mind he began to play back those moments in the fire where he'd seen Alec die. Those moments he'd all but blocked after all those nightmares. The moment Syed had helped him forget. Now they flooded back to him, and this time, Alec didn't die. He escaped.


	14. Chapter 14

"Christian?" Jane asked, as Linda came over to help her. All the others but Yusef stood back to give them room.

"Christian," Linda began, "Christian you need to talk to us, love."

Christian didn't see that everyone was worried about him; he was too busy fretting to realise that he had a spaced out look in his eyes. Yusef spoke quietly to the police officer about the fact that Christian had been badly affected by a previous incident. Instead, the officer took Zainab and Masood aside and spoke to them about their son. Tam and Afia decided to give everyone space and hovered in the kitchen, making tea for the others.

Yusef moved back as Linda stood and pulled Jane aside to let the doctor in to see her son, who wasn't answering anyone when they asked him to. They were family, though, and handling Christian far too carefully. Yusef, however, forced Christian's head up so he could look in his eyes and Christian reacted by fighting back against it, which brought his awareness back to his surroundings.

"Christian, we all know you're worried, but the police need your help to find Syed. You can do that," Yusef said.

"If it's Alec, I can't... I just can't..."

"It's not Alec, Christian. No matter what you're thinking." Yusef held Christian's head in both his hands, making sure that he kept talking to him. "You saw what happened; you know he died."

"What if I'm wrong? I could be wrong... you said I have post-traumatic stress, my mind has played tricks on me before, maybe his death was one too."

"Not possible, there was a body. It was Alec."

Christian took a few moments. He didn't know whether to believe Yusef or not. He was a doctor though, and he'd have all that access to medical records, and he'd have seen them and would know for sure this time. Alec had faked his death once; they wouldn't let him get away with that a second time. But Alec was rich, clever and had contacts all over the place. Even though everyone was so sure he was dead, a part of Christian had been watching his back ever since his death. It was one of the reasons he was still stuck in the flat, having such difficulty going outside.

A single tear ran down Christian cheek as he nodded to Yusef. He rubbed the tear away and swiped his hand over his face, taking a deep breath. Yusef sat back and smiled as Linda pulled a chair closer to Christian's side and put her arm around him. "Oh, darling, we'll get him back. You know we will."

Christian patted Linda's hand, but didn't agree with her.

The police officer who had taken Liam outside came back in. Christian overheard him talking to the others. He'd gone back to Liam's house and spoken to Pat. Liam was going to talk to a photo-fit artist to get a good likeness of the man who gave him Syed's wallet. But so far he had a description to go on of a blond man, about the same height as the police man himself, quite thin, good looking... Christian froze. The description... it sounded like it could be Alec.

As his eyes widened and his hand shot to cover his racing heart, Yusef took it as his cue for action. He smiled his bedside manner smile, and excused both himself and Christian, saying he wanted to examine Christian better, away from everyone. He escorted Christian into the bathroom and made him sit down on the toilet lid. Yusef crouched in front of him.

"I'm worried that this could be a side effect of the drugs you're taking."

"But they're supposed to stop me from thinking too much about these things. They're supposed to calm me down. They're not working, that's the problem."

"It's not that. You've not been on them long. We haven't got the dosage correct yet and I suspect in the last 24 hours you haven't kept to any strict timing for when you take them. Not only that but you haven't slept and I think that is adding to your agitation."

"What should I do?" Christian asked, trustingly.

"I don't want you to take another tablet now; I will tell you when to take more. In the meantime, I'd like to give you something else. It won't react with what you've taken already. It should help you relax and not have you so worried."

"What is it?"

"It's a similar drug, but because it's an injection, it should work faster. And that's what you want right now, yes?"

"Yes, I just... I need to think clearly, I need to sort out everything. The police, everyone in my flat. I need to be in control."

"Okay." Yusef took a needle and a small vial from his bag and filled it a little way up. Christian did as he was told in order to get the injection and didn't flinch when Yusef said it would be in his backside. Yusef rushed Christian slightly once it was done and said he'd rather Christian went and sat on his bed, just in case, while the drug started to make its way into his system.

Christian stood and immediately felt dizzy.

"It's okay, it'll only last for a second,"Yusef reassured him. He kept one hand around Christian's elbow as he stumbled from the bathroom. Christian then got one hand on the door frame in full view of everyone before he felt his eyes closing and he couldn't work out what was going on or where he was. He knew he was suddenly at the side of the bed and then sitting on it but had no clue how he got there, he just felt so incredibly spaced out.

In another instant, his eyes closed, whether he meant them to or not, and then he was unconscious.

*

Linda and Jane helped get Christian onto the bed properly, and Linda put a blanket over her sleeping son. Yusef hadn't seemed panicked when Christian lost consciousness and he was a Doctor, so everyone listened to him when it came to matters like this, and his calmness helped everyone else.

"I suspected this may happen," he said, as Linda put a hand on her son's brow. One of the police officers was hovering, wondering if he was needed to help out in any way or call an ambulance. "He's exhausted after everything and still getting used to his recent medication."

"But he just fell over."

"He was running on nothing. Once I was able to calm him better, everything caught up with him. That's all. I refused to let him take anymore anti-anxiety medication for the moment. He's not been taking it properly since last night. He needs to take it at proper intervals. If it gets out of sync then it can play havoc with his body and mind. Add in that he's not slept or eaten properly..."

"Yes, of course."

"I wouldn't worry about him," Yusef sat next to Christian on the bed and took his pulse. "In fact, I would say this is the best thing for him right now."

Being a doctor gave Yusef a level of trust from people. The minute he began talking about the medications or giving his advice, people automatically believed him. None of them knew that he'd given Christian morphine in that injection and that had been the cause of Christian's collapse. They didn't need to know either. Not Christian's family, or the police.

He could tell that Christian had been taking more of the anti-anxiety meds than he should. He could see it in Christian's eyes, not to mention the fact that he could count perfectly well and he knew there were fewer pills remaining in the bottle than there should have been. It seemed Christian might be getting 'attached' to taking them. And if he added a dose of such an addictive drug as morphine into the mix then so be it. When Christian eventually woke he'd need to take quite a few of the anti-anxiety pills to sort himself out as those would completely wear off during the hours he was sleeping through right now, and Christian would do it because his worry for Syed was so great right now that he'd want to numb his mind as much as possible.

Yusef didn't know who it was that had taken Syed, or what he wanted. It had all come out of the blue and now he had to adjust his way of thinking to factor it in, but if he played it right, then it could be a help, rather than a hindrance. He looked over at Zainab, who was doing her best to take charge over her son's situation, despite being so worried herself. He didn't want Zainab to lose her son. Not this way. Not yet.

**Author's Note:**

> ******* apologies for abandonment of the story, especially because of where I left it :( *********


End file.
